I'm in London now. I arrived early this morning — 6:30 London time, 1:30 am New York time. I took a tube straight to the hotel and crashed the minute I hit the bed. I didn't sleep at all on the plane, despite being blessed with two whole seats to myself, and it's been weeks since I had a decent night sleep thanks to mad insomnia. I was so tired when I got here, I passed out cold and I know I could have slept all day, but I didn't want to be awake all night, so I forced myself to get up at 2 o'clock so I could shower and get dressed before Drew got back from work. Only, I was so groggy and out of my mind that when I looked at the clock, I thought it said 2:19, when really it said 12:19, but I didn't realize this until after I showered, got dressed and went out in search of food and coffee and water. I really wish I'd have gotten those two extra hours of sleep. I could have used them.
Back on the plane, something occurred to me. I read for the first few hours and then when I was too tired to focus on the words in the book anymore, I turned on the the little TV screen on the seat back in front of me and zoned out staring at the flight map. This was last, oh, hour and a half of the flight and we were just about to cross into Ireland. I watched as the little plane icon moved slowly across Ireland and then across the sea and then into England and I thought, "This is just what it's like to be pregnant!"
At least in these first early months, when you have yet to really look pregnant and you can't feel the baby and the only way you really know you're pregnant is that you haven't had a period in months and your boobs are huge and you're tired and hormonal all the time, there's this disconnect between you and what you read and hear is happening inside your body. Like, I know there's this baby growing inside me — I've seen it (twice!) on an ultrasound, and it's been confirmed by multiple tests, and all the literature tells me the way I'm feeling right now is normal ... but it just doesn't feel quite... real yet. And that's how it is when you watch the little plane fly across the flight map. You know, intellectually, that you're currently miles above Dublin or whatever, but it doesn't feel all that different than when you were miles above New York or Canada or the Atlantic Ocean. All you have to go by is that you're really tired and a little cranky and you can't wait to get off this fucking plane and go take a shower and a nap already.
And then you get off the plane and it's pretty disorienting and people have a funny accent and the money is different and you aren't sure where to catch the train and then all of a sudden it's real and you're so tired you just hope you can navigate yourself safely to the hotel in one piece and not get lost or mugged or worse on the way there. Maybe that's what it's like after the baby arrives. Who knows? Right now, in my pregnancy, metaphorically speaking at least, I'm still flying somewhere above the ocean. It's all blue down there and I see the plane on the map inching closer and closer to something big, but it doesn't mean much to me yet. I just hope I'm ready when it lands.
I love this metaphor! Hopefully when it's time to land I'll be able to just glide in smoothly, and not end up circling for hours (in labor).
I'm also hoping for an earlier than expected arrival, although I keep reading that first-time deliveries are usually late.
Totally on the same page with you about it not feeling real, I am not really showing yet either and I don't feel any different.
Posted by: Jorderoo | April 28, 2011 at 09:03 AM
Um, were we on the same flight? I arrived this morning at 6:30 as well! Virgin Atlantic 004 from JFK? That would be hilarious!
Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | April 28, 2011 at 10:06 AM
I was on Delta 003 from JFK. Bet we passed each other in the skies!
Posted by: citywendy | April 28, 2011 at 10:15 AM
Oh Wendy, You're so wonderful. You will be an amazing parent. and I'm sure it will all come to you once your baby is born. It's hard to "figure it out" beforehand. same with anything. You learn as you go :)
Posted by: pereiraj | April 28, 2011 at 12:07 PM
Two of my favourite bloggers, in London. Have a great time girls!
Posted by: Starla | April 29, 2011 at 05:54 AM
This is my first time coming to your site and I absolutely loved that this was the first post I read. You have a new fan here :)
Posted by: Rachel Celeste | April 29, 2011 at 02:31 PM
This is one of my favorite posts from you!
:)
Posted by: Stephanie | May 05, 2011 at 05:27 PM
I haven't read your blog in awhile so I was surprised to see you're pregnant! Congratulations! Your metaphor was perfect. And when you have the baby it's a lot like a crash landing - at least it was for me!
Posted by: Jaime | May 11, 2011 at 07:53 AM
Yes, lovely metaphor! And it would have been even funnier (and definitely stranger) if you'd been on the VIRGIN flight. Guffaw!!
Posted by: teahouseblossom | May 13, 2011 at 05:48 AM
It is so amazing how time differs in one place to another and yet people in these places do similar things at the same time of the day, I mean, when it's 8AM, they usually report work, evening time, they sleep. Isn't it? Hope it makes sense. :-)
http://www.campsbayaccommodations.com
Posted by: Account Deleted | August 18, 2011 at 11:17 PM