The Dark Spot

I went to the dentist today. I hate to admit it, but it was my first dentist appointment since I moved to New York almost three and half years ago, which makes it noteworthy, you see. I hadn't meant to wait so long, but I was without dental inurance before I married Drew last summer and then ... well, time just got away, I guess.

"I have some anxiety around dental ... stuff," I explained to my new dentist this morning as he lowered the chair into a deep recline, "So I'm sorry if I seem tense."

"Well, it's no wonder." he replied, kindly. "You had gum surgery as a kid. That would give anyone some anxiety."

I'd just told him what I tell every dentist: "I have great teeth but bad gums." When I was a gawky 12 year-old in braces, my gums were so inflamed and infected I had to have intense surgery on them. I endured 20 shots in my gums before the surgery even began and though I was numb for most of it, I'm still haunted by the sounds of the tools ripping my gums open, scraping and pulling. I'm still haunted by the sight of all that blood. And yet, sometimes, when I try to think back, it hardly seems like that girl in the chair all those years ago with the paper mask over her face was really me. Was that really me?

"You're missing your wisdom teeth," my dentist said, nodding at the digital X-Rays. X-Rays have turned digital since my last trip to the dentist.

"Yeah," I replied, "I got them out when I was a kid."

I tried to remember how old I was when they came out. Thirteen? Fourteen? Younger? I'm 34 now. Memories are beginning to fuzz a little around the edges. I know it was summer, because I remember recuperating at my grandparents house in St. Louis. And I remember waking up in the recovery room and not knowing if I was still asleep and dreaming or if this was real life.

"This is real life, honey," a woman in a white jacket said.

"I want a cheeseburger," I replied.

"You've had sealants put in, too." The dentist said after I opened my mouth wide and he stuck some tools inside.

"Hm-mm," I mumbled, suddenly conscious of the drool beginning to pool at the corner of my lips.

"It looks completely worn away here," he said, pointing to a molar, "Unless they didn't put any sealants on that tooth. I wonder why they'd skip that tooth though."

"Hmmmm," I said, sort of shrugging my shoulders.

I tried to remember when I got those sealants put on. Junior high? High school, maybe? Right before college? I can still see the waiting room, the parking lot outside the window, the complimentary toothbrush, but I can't see myself. Was I supposed to have gotten new sealants at some point? Were they supposed to last forever? I just don't remember. It's all so fuzzy.

The dentist put his tools down, pulled off his rubber gloves and began raising my chair.

"I have great teeth, but bad gums," I recited again, just to fill the space with something. I suddenly realized I'd been holding my armrest with a death grip, so I folded my hands lightly on my lap while I waited for the verdict.

"Your gums are actually OK," he replied. "With the exception of a couple spots, they look fine. Your flossing is paying off."

I nodded, pleased with myself. "Floss daily" was a New Year's resolution back in, I don't know, '05 or '06, and one of the resolutions I've been most successful in keeping.

I have great teeth, and OK gums, I thought to myself, trying it on for size.

"But you have your first cavity," the dentist said.

"What?!" I asked.

"Right here," he replied, pointing again to the digital X-Ray. "You see that dark area?"

"Uh-huh," I said, lying.

"That's a cavity."

On my walk back to the subway, I silently repeated to myself: I have bad teeth and OK gums. I have bad teeth but OK gums. I have OK teeth. My teeth are OK. I was 34 when I got my first cavity. I have a cavity. I have a cavity. IIII have a cavity.

I have OK teeth and OK gums.

I am 34.

Comments

[Shauna (Fido & Wino)]

The dentist is frightening. I have to tell myself 800 times not to pull the upholstery off the arm rest.

I really enjoyed reading this :)

[rachelgab]

I am 29 and have had cavities in probably about 75% of my teeth so I'd say you're doing just fine! I have bad everything, but my teeth are straight and not yellow at least. My mantra: I have bad teeth and bad gums but at least they look OK!

[citywendy]

Thanks, Shauna. God to know I'm not alone!

Rachel, sounds like a good motto to me.

[silvii]

I have three crowns on the top front of my teeth. Unfortunately one of them (the natural one inside) is eroding and I may have to lose it soon and I worry about having this Pirate style gap. I've had cavities but compared to loosing a tooth, that concerns me more.

Mind you, if I could, I'd tell my twenty year old self not to wear high heels while dancing, drunk on mojitos!

[Allison]

I have the best dentist in the world. It's like going to the spa. I look forward to going for an exam. You should check her out when you come visit me.:)

[Scarlett]

At least your dentist is nice; mine is definitely a bully who pretends to be nice. I have to go in tomorrow to get four cavities filled (having obviously shirked my flossing duties), and this was reassuring to read, in a strange way.

[Account Deleted]

Good thing your dentist is really nice, definitely not scary. I searched for Scottsdale dentistry when I moved in Arizona, and paid this one sedation dentist (Phoenix area) a visit for a check up. Well, I have cavities too. After years of flossing and brushing after every meal, I still HAVE cavities. I'm gonna go back for treatments on the 25th. As for the wisdom teeth... I'll ask her first if they have to be removed. Anyway, how's your teeth now? Did you or do you have any more treatments?

Thanks for sharing your story.

[Loretta John]

You're lucky to be told by your dentist that you have okay teeth and gums at that age. I mean, I know some people who developed all sorts of dental problems after they passed the three-decade mark. I asked my dentist in Bartlett, TN about it, and he said that it might be because they didn't take care of their teeth that much when they were younger. Well, that shocked my world. The next day, I brought my kids to him for a check-up!

[Bobby Schaeffer]

It's nice to hear that your dentist trip was a pleasurable experience. Some dread just the thought of it. Well, if only kids would assure themselves as you did...
Bobby Schaeffer